City of Monsters by Andrea Speed

Author:Andrea Speed [Speed, Andrea]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Riptide Publishing
Published: 2014-07-10T04:00:00+00:00

Of course, I was relieved to get back home until I remembered I had to deal with the blender. Then I went back to being uncomfortable again. As soon as I opened the door, I heard: “I thought you were never coming back. Did you get lost in the market?”

“I ran into a bigger problem. Your fruit can wait.”

“Says who? It cannot wait. I need a— Hello, can I offer you a smoothie?”

Sakari paused in the doorway, staring at the blender with raised eyebrows. “Is that . . . did the blender just talk?”

“I told you, it’s haunted. You really didn’t believe me?”

Sakari stared at me. “Of course not. Whoever heard of such a thing?”

I shook my head in disgust and turned away. If he weren’t so cute—and so new, and also a snake—I might have punched him. “We came here via pedicab pulled by a were–polar bear. And you’re really pulling the impossible card again? You’re a weremamba, for fuck’s sake.”

“Which I am having a hard enough time with, thank you very much.” He closed the door, not quite slamming it, but close enough.

“I am not haunted,” the blender insisted. “I just am. I don’t see why it’s so hard to believe that I have a mind of my own.”

“Stay out of it,” I told the appliance, flinging myself down on the couch. I felt really tired. Maybe because diner food could do that to you. “I’d just ignore the blender if I were you.”

“Ignore me, when I’m being polite and offering your guest a drink? Frappe?” the blender replied.

Sakari stared at it like he expected it to get up and fling itself across the room. “No, thank you, I’m good.” He turned his shocked eyes on me. “This is crazy.”

“No shit.”

Just to make things worse, there was a pop, and Terry suddenly appeared in the middle of my living room, making Sakari jump back toward the closed door. The little gnat didn’t even notice him as she flew over to me. “And here you are, butt nugget. I thought I told you to move your ass.”

“I just got back, you flying venereal disease,” I snapped, really wanting to swat her. But I knew I’d never hit her, and besides that, she’d make me regret it. She’d probably turn all my money into teeth, and Deth didn’t accept teeth. “It seems your brother is smuggling contraband for Macula and the Bloody Mondays.”

“What?” she squeaked, her voice threatening to go up an octave and be something only dogs could hear. “That fucking dick monkey! What kinda contraband could those douche nozzles want? Anti-lame potion?”

“You’ll hafta ask him, if you can find him.”

“Me? Hey, fuck nuts, I hired you to find him.”

Sakari slunk against the wall until he found a chair to quietly sink into. He never took his eyes off Terry, who continued to ignore him.

“You’re not paying me enough to get involved with the Bloody Mondays,” I spat.

She made a tiny noise that was probably a scoff. Or maybe a sneeze.

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